I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
A couple of years ago I began to question some of the thoughts in my head more than I normally would and, how I was spending some of my time.
I am grateful that I have been in the Anglican church since I was born. I had enough sense to pray about what to do because I figured I was going crazy and I might act in a way that would destroy my marriage.
Prayer led to action – I sought out counselling, did some testing and learned I have several mental illnesses; PTSD, OCD, anxiety and addiction.
When I described my childhood to my councillor, he said “not surprised you’re an addict”. Well I was somewhat relieved to realize I wasn’t going crazy – because I already was crazy 😉
Now I am a grateful recovering sex addict.
What’s to be grateful for? Good question considering the only way I can figure out to stop the machinery of my mind around this is to go blind and deaf and loose my memory.
There is actually a lot to be grateful for. First I am grateful that I am choosing to be grateful.
I am grateful that there is now recognition and treatment available. And there are twelve step programs. I am in a twelve-step program called Sex Addicts Anonymous and am part of a community of people dealing with the same addiction. It is a prayerful place where I can share what I am dealing with without judgement.
I am grateful that my marriage has survived my addiction.
I am grateful for the impact on my prayer life. It has moved to a new level. My most frequent prayer these days is “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference”. This is the serenity prayer from the twelve-step program.
I am grateful for the power my recovery has given me over the addiction. Since I won’t be able to say “I was a sex addict” until I’m dead, having the support of my family, the twelve-step program and my councillor makes it possible to live life fully and make a difference for others who are also dealing with mental illness.
I am grateful for the opportunity to share this. I pray it will make a difference for someone who reads it.
And I will share more.